Why you should always ask, "How much do you make?"
We all have our standards, ceilings and our bottom floors as to what we'll tolerate in a relationship. The bottom line is if your significant other isn't making enough, it's time to leave.
For most, the first thing we think about when we think of what people 'make' is money. Although this still is an extremely important topic to discuss when considering moving forward with or staying committed to someone, there's more that your significant other should make.
They should make:
Time for you.
Plan and simple. No need to keep replaying this record. Our time commitments reflect our values.
Plans for your future.
This prudence, or thought for the future, takes a lot of forethought, energy and commitment, but finding someone who's always thinking about the next step in your relationship and planning accordingly shows a tremendous amount of maturity and stability. These aren't just the 'I want _____ for us' statements, but also the 'I'm willing to do ____ to get us there'. Fill in the blanks with whatever suits your relationship but being action oriented is the priority.
Mistakes (and fix them).
This is major. Sometimes we focus so heavily on the mistakes people make and not how they address them. Your significant other is going to make mistakes, but more importantly you should focus on how they correct them. Do they run from them, deflect or try to cover them up? These are of course red flags. (I'm guilty of doing this too so no judgement being passed here!)
Someone who's made enough emotional and spiritual progress realizes they should be quick to admit when their wrong and even quicker to address the issue. Remember, everyone get played in the blame game.
An effort to build relationships with your friends and family.
A huge part of any relationship is the network supporting it. If he's not making effort to get to know your family and friends then they're probably trying to distance you from them. That presents dangers for other reasons as well, but the main point is they attempt (even if unsuccessful) to get to know the people you love.
[A caveat: unfortunately not all of us are fortunate to have loving, supporting friends and family. This can make it difficult for anybody to come in your life that wants good things for you. Be mindful of the wise counsel you seek and the advise they give. If you don't feel they're pointing you in the right direction, it's ok (and almost a necessity) to seek professional guidance via couples/marriage counseling. I'm all about some therapy!]
And finally... they should make you feel loved.
Love is a personal and individualized experience, but still rooted in one main source-- God. We can use the model of how God shows us compassion and love, but also corrects us when we're wrong (and sometimes has us to face the consequences of our missteps). If your significant other isn't taking the time or the effort to make you feel loved the way you should feel and the way God intended for you to be loved, then it's time to move on.
Did I miss something?
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