The Blame Game: Forgiving and Seeking Forgiveness
"What were you thinking?!"
That was the first thought that crossed my mind during a heated exchange over what's now a trivial issue. As much as I tried, I simply could not rationalize the other person's thought process.
When you're in the heat of conflict, its extremely difficult to think objectively. Even after our heads 'cool', they become clouded with everything that went wrong leading up to the argument or offense (specifically everything the other person did wrong in addressing the issue). But how do we move past our frustration and contempt and move forward?
Bow out gracefully
In the past, I faced some struggles with trying to build or sustain a relationship. I've had some great and not-so-great people in my life (to put it nicely), but whatever the outcome of the friendship/relationship, I charged myself with evaluating what went wrong on my end.
There was one incident where I was in a relationship with someone-- let's call him Joe. I was hurt, but not surprised by Joe's actions. For a few days, I tried to convince myself to push past the issue and ignore it instead of first addressing where my frustrations were rooted.
I know what you're thinking, "But people can do some pretty awful stuff! Do we ignore that too?" Absolutely not. You first try your best to address it maturely, but if its getting you no where, you have to back away. Don't let anyone bait you into getting angry or acting out of character (assuming your character is a level-headed thinker).
Realize you have control over who you allow in your life and who you allow to hurt you. If you ignore the signs telling you to back away and get hurt, you've got to take responsibility for your misstep and not to obscure the part you played in the contention. Otherwise you'll get caught up in the 'blame game.'
Blame vs. responsibility
Blame and responsibility are two actions we often bait and switch-- accepting one by placing other. When you accept the blame you're also taking responsibility, but when you accept responsibility you should not place blame.
Blame is a tool meant to attack a person's emotional confidence, but when you accept responsibility for your actions or the part it played in another's reaction, you are fortifying your spirit and creating an avenue for true growth and maturity.
I stopped playing the 'blame game' years ago. Now if someone tries to invite me to the card table to play it, I come to my senses and fold every
Notice previously I said 'take responsibility' and not blame yourself.
So what if after taking responsibility you realize the other person wasn't completely at fault?
If God chose to restore you all, whether together or separately, then what more can we do than be thankful that His grace is sufficient enough to restore you both.